The Restarting of Life

It's been a while.  I thought it was about time an update was posted about how things have gone, where I am and what the future holds.

The neck recovery has been progressing.  Slowly.  This hasn't been helped that there had been a mix-up with arranging the physiotherapy that delayed the rehab process by a few weeks.  Some days can be quite busy now.  A doctor's appointment first thing, then over to the physio for some jumping around and then over to the gym for an upper body session. The physio doesn't give me a 'hands-on' treatment.  He gets me to bounce on a trampette, walking and running on a treadmill, balancing on wobble boards and jumping then hopping over hurdles.  As I also walk to and from each appointment / session, it's can be quite a physically tough day!  The idea for the bouncing and running about is to condition the neck, shoulder and back muscles to take the impacts and jolts from everyday life.  Especially when travelling by road in a car or bus.

It has also been a busy time travelling around the country too.  I arranged a trip back to Essex for a day to sort out the enormous pile of post (OK most of it was junk mail).  I managed to catch up with quite a few people.  It was tiring but the trip was rounded up very nicely by meeting the lovely Sue Richmond for lunch.  All be it, I had to be in boy mode.  Although I did get to spend a little time with my nails painted chocolate.  The nicer colours were with my girl stuff, held in a suitcase by Carlisle police!

Talking of Carlisle.  I wanted to take a trip back up north to collect my fell shoes and the suitcase from the police and also to thank the people who helped and supported my family and myself in my time of need.  I really wanted to do the trip well before the Christmas rush so as soon as I thought I was fit enough for the trip, we were off.

We visited Newcastle first.  After collecting my fell shoes and visiting the hospital to say thanks to the nursing staff, we had some time to explore the city.  Having been there for a few weeks already, my parents were quite familiar with the place, but for me, I only had a very brief look around.  I really like the area and the people are fantastic.  I'm already considering another trip up there next year.

We then travelled across the country to Carlisle.  This was the part I was most worried about.  Having a large pink suitcase full of my girl kit in the back of the camper was quite bothersome.  I considered just telling my parents what was in the case and what I was up to the Friday before I fell, but I knew that for many reasons I shouldn't.  My parents are both quite inquisitive and as I couldn't lock the case because I couldn't find the other zip, I was concerned that one of them may unzip the case to look inside.  Once home, I did manage to find the other 'half' of the zip hiding in the hinge to put a padlock on it.

We pitched up on a quiet campsite just outside Keswick to use as a base for the northern part of the Lakes.  A visit to the Mountain Rescue Team and later to the Air Ambulance left me emotionally exhausted.  It was rewarding and enlightening. I felt a sense of closure.  Yet because I had no recollection of the tumble itself, the stories and talk of my rescue sounded like they were talking about someone else.  I must make a big mention of the work of the Mountain Rescue Team.  We briefly visited the area where I fell and how those guys managed to carry me on a stretcher out of that cove, I don't know.  The path in places was only about six inches wide and traversed a loose scree slope.

The rest of the week was spent in the southern area of the Lakes, catching up with friends and for the first time in a while, relaxing.  OK, relaxing for me doesn't mean doing nothing much except reading, eating and drinking.  I walked around the area quite a bit, found a long flight of steps that I could run up without causing too much impact on the neck and even managed a walk up the local big hill.

It was a very hard trip, both mentally and physically and didn't feel like a break at all.  Even after arriving home, it took me a few days to get over it.  And then after I began to feel back to normal, I was off to Essex again for an important meeting at work! It was good to 'break the ice' as it were and see a number of people there before a possible return to work in the New Year.

Which brings me to a realisation that my head is comfortably in the space of getting the body better and onto fitness.  Now this is not a bad thing, but it does indicate a single mindedness of returning to sport and getting back onto the hills.  Thus I'm finding current activities that have a large physical element to them, easier to focus on.  I have no problem with getting down the gym; ascending the steps of the hill, I found it hard to walk at times because it was easier to run.  Even driving has been no problem.  Driving my parents' car with the auto gearbox, I was left foot braking without due thought.  Driving my manual gearbox car to get to the MOT the next day, was again second nature.

Mental activities are another matter.  I still find myself crying at times.  Usually when out walking alone and being quite relaxed.  I still find concentrating on some tasks difficult, although it is getting better.  Also I'm finding that my personal space is much larger than it used to be.  I noticed that I stand back a little further when in conversation with people and close greetings like hugging and kissing can be quite uncomfortable.  I can find that I feel quite antagonistic at times and unable to control quick snaps of aggression.  This is not a major problem, just something I've picked up on compared to how I was before the fall.  Most likely, everyone around me may not have noticed these subtle changes, but I have.  All this could be why I feel apprehensive generally.  My logical thinking says that all this will resolve itself as I get back into normal life again.  Working, running, getting the fitness back, getting out with friends, living.  It could also because I'm so used to having endorphins flooding my body from the regular fitness sessions, my brain has been conditioned.  I hope it resolves in time, but I will be investigating some course of counselling when I'm back in Essex to calm my head with the questions that have been bouncing around it since June and maybe explore the gender side too.

This Friday was Nottingham Invasion.  I'm proud to have been there for the inaugural event, but it's such a shame I've had to miss the first anniversary event this time.

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and here's to a fabulous, shiny New Year!