Taking a dip into history

Tried something last night.  A few years ago, I prepped my face, put on some tracksters over my skirt, grabbed my boots, bag and wig, and went out for a walk down on Southend seafront.  I was a bag of nerves walking out to the car.  As I drove down the road, I realised my wig wasn't on the passenger seat along with the rest.  I turned around towards home where I found the wig on the pavement outside my home.  I was fortunate.  My neighbour now had the parking space but had reversed into it so did not get out on the pavement.  I carried on back towards Southend.  Finding a quiet, dark road, I removed the tracksters, straightened my skirt, removed my winter coat and carefully placed the wig on my head.  Drove the short distance down to the seafront, parked up in a quiet area making sure there were no canoodling couples on either side and waited for the passing traffic to quieten.  Took a few deep breaths and exited the car.

I walked out, heels clacking on the tarmac, skirt billowing in the breeze, crossed the road and walked maybe about 200 metres up the seafront prom and then back to the car.  I then drove a coupe of miles down the seafront and did the same again and once more at the seafront end, before changing and returning home.

So back to last night.  I sat on the sofa, hadn't been out all day because of cleaning and tidying the flat and watching the F1.  I needed to get out.  So I quickly shaved, put some slap on (very basic face) and dressed in my new Karen Millen top, a taupe skirt and long, warm cardy.  Grabbed my bag and camera and after checking the near neighbourhood, set off towards Southend.  It was only after a few moments driving the memories of that time, years ago, came flooding back, and I thought I'd try the same routine, albeit now with the purpose of taking some photos.

So how did I feel?  Completely normal.  Quite a few people looked at me as they passed by, but who wouldn't, seeing a woman squatting near the seawall, taking photos in the dark?  Didn't faze me, I just did what I wanted to do.  Didn't even feel any level of confidence.  Just felt assured.  It's a shame in a way that the fission of excitement of subterfuge and sense of being found out has dissipated.  But the confidence of interacting with the world as Tanya whenever I feel like it, more than compensates for the loss.

In fact it's a different form of buzz, one where I can meld into the female environment, but now again come across something different I'm uncertain, ill-prepared for, or as happened today, some female camaraderie. Today I was out shopping as Tanya as I needed some bras.  Leaving a roadside parking space, I had to patiently wait for the 'mature' (not elderly but a bit 'Reginald Molehusband') gentleman in front of me to manoeuvre his car out of his space before I could go.  I glanced over to the car waiting alongside me where the lady driver gave me the sort of look which could only have meant 'Men!!"  

Left me with a warm feeling for the rest of the day :-)