A Year in Review

Been a bit quiet on the blog recently.  Not from want of writing, just have not been content with what I've composed.  I jot away, words pouring out from fingers into pixels and then find what I've written isn't what I had in mind when the ideas were resident in my mind.  It's as if my mind is too fast for my fingers and by the time I've started typing the thought, the mindset has faded into the mists.  It's quite therapeutic, but it's not great for capturing the ideas.

So I'm going to do a review of the past 12 months.  Something that should have been written when the new year actually occurred!!

For last January, I made a decision to push the T-envelope.  I was already reasonably comfortable with going out enfemme alone, shopping, sightseeing, visiting the beauty salon for the regular waxing.  When my dad contracted cancer a couple of years ago, it made me realise that life can have it's nasty surprises and that it's wise to make the most of opportunities if they are presented.

I made a list of items I wanted to achieve.  Although my hair was quite long, it was greying and I couldn't manage a convincing feminine style from it.  I had never liked facial hair, so planned to investigate and eventually start a course of laser hair removal on the beard.  My wardrobe was a little unruly and promised myself to jazz it up, get a more cohesive style and make more of an effort to converse when shopping for clothes, including visiting smaller local shops.  This also leads to the last, and at the time, the most scary objective.  To try the T-scene.  Especially to that renowned cathedral of tranny nights.  Pink Punters.

So did I achieve my goals?  I guess if you've read the rest of my blog so far, you would know I have.  It started very well, with sitting down with my hairdresser and working through what styles I liked and inspired me.  I really like the bob style, and that is now what I have.  It's taken a while to develop but I'm over the moon with it, especially as I can have a him (naturally curly) or her (straightened) hairstyle.  I love the colour too.  Initially we went with a natural blend, but now I'm a little bolder so it looks coloured when straightened.

After that good start to the year, and getting out shopping a few times in January, a four month blip followed.  Didn't really feel the need to dress, or run or anything really.  Work was quite tough and I think it was taking a lot out of me.  Still spent quite a bit of time running in the Lakes (can't walk on water! :-) ), so that kept me sane (ish!)

Come summer, I was getting the bounce back.  Managed a couple of shopping outings and a bit of London sightseeing.  A message on the Angels forum about the August Leeds First Friday spurred me to respond and so I found myself at my first T-event.  I spent a very warm and humid Thursday getting ready, travelling north and then spent Friday wandering around Leeds.  Felt very comfortable and confident all day.  However, when it came to the main meetup, I was frankly very anxious.  I don't feel comfortable in crowds anyway, but meeting new people, who may be at any point along the gender variance line, whilst trying to present myself in the femme area of that spectrum shook me deeply.  However, a quick drinky with Maddy and Jo before the main meet helped me relax.  Having had a full day out beforehand, I couldn't stay with the others into the early hours.  I had a fabulous time and was even quite emotional on the drive back down south on the A1.  Especially when Donna Summer came on the radio!

I've now been out socially several times as Tanya and for the first time in my life, thoroughly have enjoyed every one.  Out again in Nottingham this Friday too!  I never been one for a drinking / clubbing culture as him, but as her, I love it!  I even think that if I went out socially as him now, I still won't be dancing and still will not truly enjoy it!  Also visited BNO at Pink Punters too.  Slightly disappointed with the experience, possibly due to the number of people there.  However, walking from the car back to the hotel, in heels and a lightweight silk dress with the outside temperature of -.2.5 degrees, is an experience I will never forget.  Fantastic!

In September I had my first laser session on the beard area.  It didn't go too bad.  Not too much pain and recovery went quite well too once the acne faded away.  Surprising had a small couple of cleared patches after that first session, but after the second session in December, clear patches are much more noticeable.  It's looking good for the next series of sessions.

All this getting out and confidence now has helped me develop the wardrobe.  I still need to do a proper sort out and rid the items which are the wrong size or don't suit me.  Apart from buying a few very nice dresses at bargain prices (thank you Karen Millen), I am starting to develop a range of items which can be put together to create outfits for any occasion.  I have also been able to visit a small, local lingerie shop as him and her and been treated as a proper female customer shopping for bras.  All still a work in progress which can only mean more fun for the future!

One development I didn't expect was getting a bank account in Tanya's name.  After having a small issue with paying by card in Bluewater in January while enfemme, I was interested in maybe getting a credit card for Tanya.  A number of girls on forums had shown to have done this, so when I had the opportunity to bring the subject up with one of the banks I have an account with, I asked the customer manager.  She checked and found I couldn't have a credit card in another name on that account.  After further thought and investigation (it was obvious she was enjoying the challenge!) she came up with the solution of changing the name on the bank accounts.  It felt like a big risk and an enormous step to me.  However I went with it and now have a whole bank account, cheque book and most importantly a debit card in Tanya's name!

It's been a wonderful past 12 months and I've felt that I've developed beyond my wildest dreams not just as Tanya, but also as a person.  I'm more confident in who I am now and where Tanya fits into the lifestyle.  Finally I have to mention a very big thanks to everyone I've met and developed friendships with over the past year.  Let's hope it continues to thrive through this year!