A Testing Week Approaching

Just wanted to say, I'm OK.  Over the past weeks, there have been many ups, many downs, many times being disorientated and confused.  But only about the T-life.  The normal male life has been fine and contented as much as it can be.

So this weekend I conducted a big cleanup, storing away the trinkets of the female side, putting shoes away into cupboards rather than against the bedroom wall, catching up on the ironing pile and hanging them in the wardrobe.  The shell of Tanya is now out of sight and I'm quite happy with that.

There are a couple of possibly difficult times approaching over the next week.  I cannot see this period of hibernation being extensive.  The T-side is very important to me so I feel I must keep a standard form until such a time I feel comfortable with cross dressing again.  So I have not abandoned the pierced ears, the five-weekly waxing nor the hair styling and colouring.  I feel it would cost me too much emotionally and in my own confidence if I let that standard slip.

Tomorrow I have my waxing appointment at my local salon.  I would normally attend as Tanya but the last two visits have been in male mode, one because I ran out of time to prepare, the second was just before the last Notts Invasion, and as you may have read in the previous post, I just could not be bothered.  I feel a little guilty about this, as although the girls there are fantastic and are not really bothered about how I present, they have given me wonderful support and confidence over the years when I've gone as Tanya.  It was a goal I was attempting to pursue, that I would only visit as Tanya for appointments.  We shall see but I think it'll be male mode again tomorrow.

The second event is my hair appointment next Tuesday.  I have always attended in male mode, and usually left with a definite femme style!  This Tuesday is a cut, style and colour.  I like to get my hairdresser to straighten the hair so that the femme style can be shaped into the bob, especially getting the fringe trimmed correctly.  I had half promised myself at the last appointment that I would attend the next one as Tanya as I had asked if it would be OK sometime last year.  Again, I doubt very much whether I'll attend as Tanya on Tuesday, but what I'm uncertain of (and even apprehensive) is the reaction to seeing the femme hairstyle again. Will it be a case of getting home, admiring it, enjoying the feel of it before washing it away the next morning before work?  Or will I feel the need to throw some slap on, get dressed and do a bit of late (window?) shopping in Lakeside.  I'm not worried or concerned about doing it, but I am concerned about how I would feel if I still get negative vibes from myself again.  Yes, I may look fantastic and blend into the public world as a woman, but that doesn't mean that inside it feels right.

Oh, bummer!  Seems I've written another non-so-positive post again.  Maybe there will be one in a week's time ;-)