Once you pop, you cannot stop....

Had a want on last Thursday.  Don't know really know why.  Although I think it may be down to not getting my mind in the right space again.  I'm getting ahead of myself so let's rewind a bit.

My running hasn't been going that great recently.  I have a big race at the end of the month and needed to find something to give me a bit of mojo, something to get my taste for the big hills back.  So I arranged to get a couple of days hill training which also meant that a trip to Nottingham Chameleons was also on the cards.  With deference to the now regular Invasion, this Thursday evening out has now become known as the Skirmish!

I was a bit concerned that I would get held up by traffic despite leaving work at the normal time and get flustered again.  But I had an easy journey up and arrived at the New Gables in plenty of time.  Quick shower, and then get going on the hair.  This was the first time I was going to style the hair since the January Invasion, so I was quite apprehensive and about how it would come out.  The end result was OK, but way too frizzy for my perfect image.  Simple makeup (the darker hairs from the laser still showed slightly) and a sweater dress and off I went.  The peep-hole shoes were new so they smarted a bit.  I was still aware that my mindset still wasn't quite right, but I felt OK and confident.

It was great meeting up with the Notts gang again.  Then later to see Lynn and Maddy maul 'Dead Ringer for Love' which became 'Total Minger' at time was worth the trip up alone.  Thursday night karaoke at the New Foresters is definitely a good night out.

The next couple of days in the Peak District didn't quite go as planned.  Turned over on my ankle 8 miles into a long run on Friday scuppered the training but then had a very enjoyable 15 mile fast walk on Saturday before the return home.

So coming back to this Thursday gone.  I was going to be working from home on Friday as I wanted to try and get a doctors appointment.  Also I was expecting the delivery on the new iPad that day too.  After the frizziness of the hair the week before I decided to get a bit of practice in.  I must get an entry written about my hair and how I feel about it sometime.  This time I worked out a strategy of parting and blow-drying to make sure it was smoother. It needs dedicated time and patience but if I can get in enough practice, I'm sure that it'll make a big difference to how I feel about my trans side.  The styling went very well this time.  I managed to get it well straightened with little frizz, so that there was a nice swing to the front when moving. The only problem I had was applying the hairspray.  I applied it a bit heavy in places despite some tricks from the hairdresser.  I'll need to ask him again about it.

Didn't dress then as I didn't feel like it.  The next day though, after waking early, logging on the the company's intranet and checking the systems, I opened the door to the wardrobe of glam and transformed.  So, in a way I was at work, dressed.  All day.  And felt good.  Nothing outstanding, just normal.  Even when the iPad was delivered, no problem.  I couldn't get a doc's appointment that day, so didn't have to de-femme.

The big moment came the next morning.  I usually do my weekly shop early on Saturday morning so it's just a case of a quick wash and off I go.  This Saturday though, I had a quick shave (now the positive effects of the laser) then a quick wash and looked at my hair.  It looked fabby and very girly. I tried a couple of caps to tuck it away, but head ensemble just didn't look right.  So I thought it'll be easier to go in girl mode.  On the surface, this may seem insignificant.  However, the same supermarket staff and customers are there every Saturday morning, so the faces are well known and it's not unusual to be greeted and maybe conduct some small talk.  So it takes courage to go as Tanya because people know of him.  OK, all the staff and customers are effectively strangers but thoughts are pushed to the front of the mind about what people may say.

As I was going to be out running a couple of hours later, I took another brave decision.  Not to wear foundation.  I usually try to look as natural as possible, just covering up remnants of beard shadow and skin blemishes.  So only stippled some powder over the facial skin, used a kohl pencil to line the eyes and define the brows a little and applied a bit of lippy.  That's it.  Clothes-wise, just sweater dress, leggings and boots.

So off I popped to Sainsbugs.  All was, frankly, normal.  I even had to ask for help a couple of times, especially when the eggs weren't being picked up on the self-service till.  I wasn't avoiding the cashiers.  There were queues there, whereas the self-service area was empty.  The point is that I felt good.  My head was in the right space.  I was just a normal woman doing normal morning food shopping.

And that was it really.  Nothing especially exciting but I commonly find with this T-ness that it's the everyday things which bring those exalted moments of achievement.  Yes, the social side and nights out are special, but doing a bit of morning shopping with no-one turning a hair about the bloke in a dress is something to be cherished.