Two Sides of a Two Pound Coin

Over the past year or so, I have put a lot more effort into how I present as Tanya in public.  I believe I have come a long way with my appearance, confidence and how I interact with the world in general.  As I have said before, I don't like the word 'pass'.  I just see myself blending into the environment.  Just another woman, enjoying life.

This has all come from just getting out there, head up, tits out and doing it.  Sometimes, I find myself in a situation where I don't feel confident with who I am and the environ I am in.  If I can, I call it a day and get out of there.  There's always another day.  Another opportunity.

And yet.  There are times when I've done the prep.  Hair, makeup and dress are good.  Enhancing the female features.  Hiding the male parts (careful!!).  Then I notice the double takes.  A couple whispering.  A child pointing,  querying her mother.  I check my look in the mirror of a store.  Can't see anything amiss.  Makeup OK.  Outfit still in shape.  But there must be something about me which says I'm not a genetic female.  I'm sure it is some element of my body language.  My stance.  Unless I filmed myself with a video camera in that arena, there would be no way I could tell.

WHY!?!?

There are many, many other times that I can just 'be'.  No questioning.  No double takes.  No pointing.  No 'Oi, Mate!' calls.  Just subtle nods and smiles with women who are also enjoying the world I'm sharing with them.

There does seem to be an equilibrium between the two states.  The comfort of being and blending into the world is exactly the opposite to the discomfort of feeling that there is a large arrow above my head, with 'Tranny' in large, red, flashing letters.

So what has brought these thoughts on, you may ask?  Well, I experienced both sides of the comfort line these past two days in Leeds for LFF.   I had Friday off so after getting ready in the hotel, I set off to get breakfast and wander around the shops as Tanya.  I generally blended in and quite enjoyed my wander round.  But there were a number of moments that I was well aware that I was clocked.  Nothing said.  No pointing.  Just a general awareness of eyes lingering a little too long and a few double takes.  I have a feeling it may have been that I was a little underdressed for the weather.  Left my winter coat at home, you see.

Now the other side of the coin.  The glory.  Out with the girls in the evening, we moved from the Viaduct across the road to the Loft.  T-girls have free entry to the club.  Everyone else pays two pounds.  Maddy and Tiff walked passed the 'door supervisors' OK.  Mrs Tiff, in front of me, paid the charge.  Then me.  "Two pounds, please" said the lady door supervisor.  I shook my head and replied with a confused no.  She repeated "Two pounds".  Now being a bit of a tight-wad and not wanting to dig out my purse and retrieve two gold nuggets from it, I said in my most manly voice, "I'M A GUY!".  With that she took my hand, smiled, told me I looked fabulous and let me pass.  I was on Cloud Nine for the rest of the night! :-)

Before I get carried away though, Maddy brought me back down to earth with a bump.  In the early hours, we were packed into the New Penny.  Maddy was talking to a tall, dark girl near me.  I heard my name mentioned and the girl greeted me before moving off.  I asked Maddy what they were talking about.  Maddy said the girl wanted to know if I was a woman or TS.  Maddy told her, "Goblin".  :-)